the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
