Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My vagina just clenched in fear
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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