Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
