Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
