u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
