there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
