so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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