I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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