There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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