TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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