I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can I color on your dick again?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
