thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
