I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
