I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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