i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
