i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize