I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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