i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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