I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize