so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
