If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
