The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
