When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
