Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
