Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
