Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
