Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
