I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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