i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
