Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
