I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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