Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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