Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
