How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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