pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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