yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
