Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
