just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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