I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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