Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
