Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize
