Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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