mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
