Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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