i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
