And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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