I think my fart just growled at me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
