Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
