Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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