Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
