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Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
