Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
