If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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