Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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