Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
