I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
