I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
