it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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