i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Im part way to drunk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
