it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
