i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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