Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
