Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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