While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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