I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
