I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The air taste purple.
Randomize
