he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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