but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
